


겨울나비

by chanicales (aurornid)



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band), VIXX
Genre: Bisexuality, Canon Compliant, Gen, evil maknae solidarity, figuring it out, post-a.c.e
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:06:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22885114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurornid/pseuds/chanicales
Summary: Yuchan reads the contact name and it’s like someone has thrown him a life preserver in freezing water.From: VIXX Sanghyuk-hyung at 13:04p.m.Kang Yuchan, I’m in your neighborhood tomorrow, shall we go eat?
Relationships: Kang Yuchan | Chan/Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	겨울나비

**Author's Note:**

> here is a translation of winter butterfly, which is really what this fic is about: [[x](https://lyricstranslate.com/en/winter-butterfly-%EA%B2%A8%EC%9A%B8%EB%82%98%EB%B9%84-winter-butterfly.html)]

Donghun and Sehyoon both enlist and it’s all over. Byeongkwan and Junhee line up work quickly, choreographing and writing songs. Junhee is putting the final touches on a solo album. It’s different from the music they made together, all soft piano instrumentals and mournful vocals. Yuchan is set adrift. 

It’s not for a lack of opportunities available to him. Of the five of them, he’s had plenty of experience promoting separately from their team. But it was always with the position of Chan, A.C.E’s main vocal and cute maknae, to fall back on. Regardless of how secure that position truly was at any given point, his hyungs always made him feel kept.

Yuchan is twenty-four and the biggest thing of his life is over. 

CEO Kim does her best for him, as always. She lines up an MC gig, makes unsubtle hints at an OST. They’re all momentary opportunities, though. Yuchan is starting to realize that maybe everything he’d been doing was momentary. He thought he had something he was working up to, some kind of success that was tangible and permanent, but the finish line has been crossed already and he’s drifting forward with only the inertia of his youth to carry him.

They’ve downsized their living space to an apartment with the three of them, Yuchan, Junhee, and Byeongkwan, but Yuchan is fairly certain it’s temporary until they can each find their own place. Yuchan is cooking for himself when he gets a text.

He reads the contact name and it’s like someone has thrown him a life preserver in freezing water. He moves his cold-numbed limbs to answer it.

**From: VIXX Sanghyuk-hyung at 13:04p.m.**

_ Kang Yuchan, I’m in your neighborhood tomorrow, shall we go eat? _

_ yes please!!!! _

_ where would hyung like to go?? _

They end up in a tiny, dim-lit restaurant in Hongdae. It’s the sort of place where patrons sit side by side with strangers along the countertop, comfortably anonymous among the close press of people with eyes only for their plates. Yuchan is reminded with a pang of another like it that he’d been to with Editor Kang before he even debuted. Back when he was gawky and buck-toothed and missing home. It’s not unlike any other he’s eaten at since, but this is the memory that surfaces. He wonders why Sanghyuk chose this place. There are plenty of nice, upscale restaurants they could have gone to, but maybe Sanghyuk was thinking about the anonymity here as well. The normalcy. He puts the thought from his mind.

The two of them sit side by side in the last two seats next to the wall. They order food and beer, taking off their masks to eat. When Sanghyuk finally speaks, it’s addressed more to the bowl in front of him than to Yuchan

“How have you been?” He asks, and the question seems more approachable hung out over meat and fried rice than aimed point-blank at Yuchan’s face. Yuchan chews for a moment before answering.

“I’m still going,” he decides.

Sanghyuk snorts a little at that.

“Just don’t know how to stop.”

Yuchan’s chopsticks droop slightly towards his bowl as he glances sidelong at Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk is looking back. There’s a small smile playing at the corner of his wide mouth. His eyes look a little sad, but maybe that’s just his face. Anyway, Yuchan thinks it’s not sympathy that's in his expression as he looks over but something else. Solidarity, maybe. Understanding, for sure.

“I don’t want to stop, is the problem,” he insists.

“Of course not,” Sanghyuk agrees, “I remember when Hakyeon-hyung left, even knowing it was coming, I was having such a hard time. Spending so long trying to shine so brightly around the five of them, and then I wondered if I even had it in me to do it on my own.”

Yuchan laughs like water hissing off a hot stovetop. He shakes his head. “What the hell, hyung. Getting right into it. Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

Sanghyuk’s smile grows. He chuckles a little, and then Yuchan joins in. It’s so helplessly ridiculous that he has to.

“Hey, it’s not all losing things y’know,” Sanghyuk says, reeling it back before Yuchan’s laugh turns hysterical. “I mean. You can like, talk to girls now.”

“Oh.” Yuchan’s heart sinks for some reason. “I… I mean.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes widen a bit. “Oh, are you not interested in girls?”

“No!” Yuchan says quickly, “No, I mean yes I’m interested in. Both?” 

He huffs out a small breath and continues. 

“I don’t know, I just. I hadn’t thought about it like that but now I suppose it is expected that I go find a girl at some point after all this and it’s like. Ah, there’s another door closing that I’m not sure was ever really open in the first place.”

Sanghyuk hums softly, busying himself with a mouthful of food.

“I get it,” he says finally. “I mean, obviously not in the exact same way, but. It’s a weird place we grew up in, you know? At first, I was so young I couldn't imagine another person being more important than the things I wanted, boy or girl, whatever. You sort of realize what liking someone means _after_ you've forfeited that option for yourself. You realize a lot of things like that. But at the same time, I don’t know if I would have ever realized liking guys _was_ an option for me if I hadn’t been surrounded by the particular people I was surrounded by.”

“Yeah,” Yuchan whispers, meaning more than just agreement with the statement at hand.

Then, just as softly, “I’m scared this means I’m losing them.”

Sanghyuk shakes his head immediately. 

“I can tell you right now, that won’t happen,” he says, “Despite my best efforts, I am still in contact with the hyungs.”

Yuchan laughs a little at that, and Sanghyuk grins.

“Seriously. For you, there are only four other people in the world who can come close to knowing everything you’ve been through. And it’s the same for each of them. That’s not the sort of thing you just let go.”

When they are done, Sanghyuk pays, and they walk together to the subway station where Sanghyuk calls a car. Yuchan waits for it to arrive. They are done talking about the big, hard questions they picked apart over dinner, but still happy to rest a while longer in each other’s company. When Sanghyuk’s car pulls up, he turns to Yuchan with a nod and Yuchan pulls him into a tight hug. Sanghyuk responds immediately, one arm looping around to press Yuchan’s head against his chest. The embrace is brief but comforting and Yuchan feels very small and grateful.

“Thank you for dinner, hyung,” he says as he pulls away.

Sanghyuk’s smile is wide enough to match his own.

“Of course,” he promises, “Any time.”

On the subway back to his new apartment, Yuchan thinks for the first time that he is not being left behind, but let on ahead.


End file.
